ABOUT THE CREATOR
Writing about myself was the last thing I ever imagined doing. It’s scary. It’s that moment in time when someone asks you “Who are you” and you freeze because suddenly you forget about the one person you spend all your time with. Typically the way I would’ve answered this question in person is, “ I’m Taylia, I’m a woman and I like chickpeas”.
But you see that’s the problem. When someone asks you who you are, we are so afraid of letting them know who we are on the inside that we drown them with information that will still leave the question unanswered. For a long time, I worked hard at building a version of myself that was never truly me.
I built that person based on knowing that she was someone that could be anyone she wanted to be, anywhere she wanted to be, without anyone ever knowing who she truly was. Building this person meant that I was always protected. She was my safety blanket. She prided herself in not feeling. She prided herself in always being there for everyone but herself. She prided herself in overachieving.
That person I spent a long time building could now be described directly as self-sabotage. It was not until that everything she had ever known was taken away from her, did I realize the damage I had done. March of 2020 was the first time in my life where all I had left was myself. Everything that kept me going was stripped away from me. I had a choice. I was either going to carry on walking on this self-destructive path I was on or embark on the journey of healing.
The life I was living until I had to make this decision was one that always told me being vulnerable was going to make me a failure. I chose to heal. The following upcoming months were spent ripping off band-aids and dealing with those traumas again. The time I spent getting to know myself was weird. It was as if I was looking at a stranger in the mirror.
Here we are again with the question “Who are you?” being asked again. This question for me now is about who I truly am - not about who the world sees me as. My answer to the question is as follows: “I’m independent. My optimism is never-ending. I don’t like basing relationships off the “what if” factor as I believe that setting expectations will leave me disappointed. I don’t like to sugar-coat things nor do I like things sugar-coated to me. I enjoy long meaningful talks with people about their lives. Most importantly my relationship with myself is my biggest commitment and something I am never willing to put on hold for anyone else.”
So to the person reading this: My hope for you is that you never feel the pressure of being someone you’re not. I hope that you spend as much time investing in yourself as you do in the people around you. Finally, I hope that you realise that you have the potential to turn your pain into power.
Forever and always,